My Diner Criteria: This poorly articulated comment made me want to briefly discuss my criteria for judging these restaurants I frequent.
I like my diners humble and cheap. I expect a bacon and eggs breakfast (with potatoes, toast and coffee) to cost about $6. I expect the food to be greasy and generally bad, but I expect the refills of coffee to be plentiful and for one part of the dining experience (say, the potatoes, the toast options, the mini-jukebox, etc.) to be good enough that I don’t feel completely unsatisfied. As for décor, the diner doesn’t even have to be stereotypically retro, although there is a thrill in eating in a place that hasn’t changed décor or menu or price for the past 20 years. I like cozy booths, yellowed posters of Greek islands on the walls, and random newspaper sections laying around. Basically – I really don’t expect much when I go to a diner. This is why I’m always disapointed by "fake" diners. They just bug me, mostly because the food is usually still at regular diner quality, but with upscale prices. It’s just a waste. There is, however, a difference between "fake" and "fancy". I’m not so bothered by say,the Swan. I like the Swan; I don’t mind its pairing of fancy breakfast food with vintage 1950s diner design (although, "no coffee, just espresso" is still the most annoying thing).
I start getting really bothered when the food doesn’t justify the higher-than-regular-diner prices. Like the Avenue Diner. The food is just whatever, non-descript, but on top of that the atmosphere is all wrong. I could’ve probably tolerated the food otherwise, but sitting in a small room tightly packed with people discussing their hired help or their leather pants did not charm me at all. So unappetizing for a Saturday morning, and I blame it all on their location: too close to Yorkville/Forest Hill. So, I will call the Avenue Diner a "fake" diner no matter how long it’s been open – you can fall from your roots. Not as fake as Celine Dion’s Nickles, but not as good as People’s, which is just down the street. I would be willing to try it again without the morning rush, but I doubt I’ll ever be in that position, so, sorry Avenue Diner. You fail my criteria.

The Breakfast Connundrum: It's January and my time is being swallowed up by that awful beast called "The Busy Season". With Saturday being my only free day I want to be able to sleep in, lounge around, eat a good breakfast and dinner, and catch up on little things in life, like maybe reading a few pages in a book or maybe trying to write something. I'm not even considering being social. Is that too much to ask? Apparently. Saturday brunch poses a problem. I am not going to haul myself out of my apartment at 9, even 10, to get a good table. I will take my time. Which means that by the time I am ready to go, brunch is in full swing and finding somewhere to eat will mean waiting in line. But free time is at a premium! I don't want to wait! Hence - the breakfast connundrum. Andrea's friend Maya recommended Dr. Generosity (2197 Bloor St. W) in Bloor West Village. Andrew and I were in the area, and decided to give it a visit. Unfortunately, we were impatient and despite the teasing menu (crab and spinach eggs hollandaise! cream cheese and strawberry stuffed french toast!), we crossed the street and decided to just get a greasy spoon meal at The Sunset Grill instead. The lineup was even longer. Desperate, hungry and short on time we gave in to our dirty mistress: McDonalds. It was good. When we walked in, on the radio the Zombies asked us, "Who's your daddy?". I'm sorry :/

The Tulip (1606 Queen St. E): The eggs benedict are an orangey soupy mess - avoid. I longingly looked at Andrew's Rueben and wished I had ordered a burger instead. The booths are cozy and the staff was really nice and it's a good place to go if you're in the Beaches, but yeah - don't get the eggs benedict. I still feel a litle queasy.

Patrician Grill (219 King St. E): A small diner with vinyl booths. Food is regular diner-fare and the service is quick, but can be a little harsh. Andrew asked for his eggs overhard and when the eggs came with runny yolks the server informed us that as long as the eggs are fresh, it doesn't matter how you serve them. I agree that overhard is not the best way to eat an egg, but they could've still cooked them to order, you know? All part of its charm, I guess.

Urban Herbivore (256 Augusta Ave): This place makes the biggest, most delicious muffins. I think there are about 2 different types every day and they're hearty enough to sustain you through a few hours of shopping in Kensington Market.